evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
