your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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