The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
