You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
