my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
