So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
