Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
3pm strippers are depressing
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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