i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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