Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize