I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i think i have two assholes
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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