If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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