hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
