Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
