my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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