I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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