I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just had sex bonerless
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
