I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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