I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
