So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
