just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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