i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize