this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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