I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize