Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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