Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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