I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
