i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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