So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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