Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
