Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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