woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
