Acid is not a monday night drug
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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