I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize