Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
