i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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