I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
