i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
