she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
