Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
