I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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