I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
