Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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