So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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