I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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