Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
