Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
