Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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