also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
