Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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