saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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