Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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