I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
