he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
