Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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