Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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