glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
