you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
