he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
