You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
did i walk over a car last night?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize