What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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