she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
