I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
