I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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